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“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. . .” As poet Robert Frost immortalized, life has many choices. There’s black or white, vanilla or chocolate, high heels or flats. Contraception or not.
“Two roads diverged in a wood…” Once I had a similar experience to Frost’s. I was climbing Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire and about halfway up the mountain came to a fork in the path. On my left was a grassy plain that went across one side of the mountain. It didn’t have a steep incline and looked fun and easy. Straight ahead of me, however, was a steep path that appeared to go straight up to the summit. Through the trees I could see the path wasn’t really a path, but more like a gathering of huge gray boulders that the poor climber would have to conquer. Undoubtedly that path would be hard, and it would require some pain in the knees and thighs along with a lot of physical exertion.
“Is the view at the top worth it?” I wondered.
I think the current culture war over contraception brings to light two different options, like the paths I faced, when it comes to views on love, human sexuality, and contraception.
First let’s examine the grassy plain. The Guttmacher institute claims that 99% of women aged 15-44 who have ever had sexual intercourse have used at least one method of contraception. Without judging any of the individuals that make up that 99% percent or taking up the issue of the reliability and bias of this statistic (as the Guttmacher institute was founded as a division of Planned Parenthood), the truth is that the majority of American women choose to use contraception.
Why is the contraceptive lifestyle like the grassy plain that slopes across the mountain? Why is it the path of least resistance? Contraception provides quick and easy solutions to the problem of unwanted pregnancy. It allows men and women to have sex without consequences, which means they are free to give in to their urges. You want to have sex but not get married? That’s fine. Contraception is here for you. It offers a cheap, quick, and easy version of love, which is more like plain lust. It’s often short, lasting even for just one night, a “hook-up.”
In the third-world as well, contraception is a quick solution for many problems. People dying of AIDS? Give them condoms. Starving children on the streets? Sterilize the lower classes so there won’t be more mouths to feed.
But is putting a band-aid over a gaping wound a real solution?
“Two roads diverged in a wood and I, - / I took the one less traveled by,” writes Frost near the end of his poem. Why is the road less traveled preferable? Why did I eventually choose the rocky mountain path that took me straight up to the summit of the mountain?
The hard path doesn’t always give fast results or fix things quickly. Choosing not to use contraception or support abortion is unpopular and requires education, self-control, and effort. Just look at what the website www.chastity.com says on its home page:
“Hook-ups, friends with benefits, safe sex, and now safer sex? Our generation found out the hard way that none of it gives us the love we long for… If you want [real romance] be prepared to sacrifice. Only then will you see that the peace and joy that comes from chastity is worth more than all the pleasure in the world.”
Living a life of chastity and not using contraception has countless long-term benefits gained after much sacrifice and effort: real respect for one’s self and partner, greater love and commitment between partners, the discipline to make sacrifices and wait, freedom from slavery to one’s sexual urges, and obviously a much lower risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
After my arduous hike to the top of Mt. Monadnock, I took in the spectacular view of southern New Hampshire’s rolling hills. The sun shone clear and the cool air filled my lungs. Yes, the summit was definitely worth the climb.
“I took the one less traveled by / And that has made all the difference.” Choose the road less traveled. It’s worth it to be the 1%.
Works Cited:
Frost, Robert. "The Road Not Taken." By Robert Frost : The Poetry Foundation. The Poetry Foundation. Web. 16 Mar. 2012.
Mosher WD and Jones J, Use of contraception in the United States: 1982–2008, Vital and Health Statistics, 2010, Series 23, No. 29.
"Chastity.com." Chastity.com. Catholic Answers. Web. 16 Mar. 2012.
“Ok kids, I want you to write down on a piece of paper the three biggest dreams you have for your life,” I said as I handed out pieces of paper and watched my 9th grade confirmation class begin to write. To introduce the topic of true happiness, I wanted them to think about their own plans for happiness and eventually lead them to the idea that only God can give us happiness that lasts forever.
I looked at my class – mostly from public schools, eight of the fifteen came from broken families, only four professed a strong belief in God, two were atheists and the rest stood somewhere in between. What kind of dreams did they have?
At the end of class, I collected the papers and began to read. Most were “normal” dreams: have a lot of money, travel around the world, be a professional football player. I got to the last paper and my heart froze. In girly handwriting that I knew belonged to Ashley was the only dream she could think of: Have a true boyfriend.
Not have a true husband. Not have a few kids and be a great mom. Have a true boyfriend. Somewhere deep in the human heart is the desire to be loved unconditionally, totally, passionately, eternally. Every girl wants to meet the man who will commit himself to her, take care of her, and love her for who she is. Ideally, this man becomes a husband, because then their love is protected and strengthened by the commitment and bond of marriage.
I have no doubt this desire is deep within Ashley’s heart. But I’m guessing that watching her parents fight, scream at each other, and divorce imprinted in her the message that a lasting commitment of love isn’t real. It’s an illusion. Husbands and wives fight. Then they leave each other. True husband? Forget it. In Ashley’s mind, the best she could even dream about was a true boyfriend. What really broke my heart was that word, “true.” The spark of desire in her heart for a true love hadn’t been totally extinguished yet.
I understand that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I understand that its hard to stay committed to one person for a lifetime. I have committed my life to Christ and these past four years have been wonderful, but there have also been many moments when I’ve had to fight with all my strength to stay faithful to Christ.
But what I do not understand and what really bothers me is the unforeseen consequences of our “hookup with no strings attached” culture. Fourteen year old girls, who naturally idealize love, have already given up hope of finding a love that lasts. Taking that a step further, try to convince them that God loves them unconditionally and eternally when they have absolutely no concept of that from their life experience.
Is it impossible for them to regain the ideal of love? No, of course not. God can always find ways to reach the human heart, no matter how wounded, disillusioned, or broken. After all, his love is the one we ultimately seek. But also He might appreciate a little help from us because our love for each other can be a mirror of God’s love for us.
American writer and philosopher Elbert Hubbard once said, “The best preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today.”
At Mater Ecclesiae College we all hope to do lots of good work for God tomorrow, but often today’s work means good housework.
It’s 8:44am and a quick survey through the main building on campus could prove shocking for “neat-freaks” everywhere. Four garbage bins of dirty clothes sit in the laundry room. A 5-foot pile of clean sheets and towels waiting to be folded is nearby. Down the hallway, dirty glasses and crumbs from breakfast linger on the dining room tables. Two carts of dirty bowls, plates, and silverware from breakfast await their morning washing. In the kitchen, platters of leftover scrambled eggs, baskets of bread crumbs, and dirty milk pitchers sit on the counter. Upstairs, in the four dormitory areas, the carpets need vacuuming and the bathrooms need cleaning.
8:45am: Everyone goes to her housework area. For 30 minutes, all that can be heard is the hum of vacuum cleaners, the clatter of plates and pans, and swishing of brooms. My housework is cleaning the bathrooms. After a few months of work, my partner and I have perfected what we call “The System.” It involves scrubbing 16 toilets, 12 sinks, and sweeping and mopping 2 bathroom floors in about 30 minutes. We move so fast that at the end I feel the same as I used to after 2-hour basketball practices in high school.
You may be wondering, what is so special about this housework time? How can those normal jobs prepare us for the future?
That is something I have asked myself. What I think, up to this point in my consecrated life, makes all the difference is the motivation behind the work we do. Did you know that Jesus brings 100 souls to Heaven for every toilet you clean? Well, at least that’s the deal I made with him. On harder days, when the spiritual thoughts don’t motivate me so much, I can at least think of how much I want my fellow consecrated companions, those sisters at my side, to have a clean bathroom and dorm. Or sometimes I offer my work for a special intention or for a prayer request from someone else.
So in a few months, when I will have graduated from Mater Ecclesiae and will be working at my new mission, maybe I won’t be cleaning bathrooms (or maybe I will be) but at least the habit of doing my work for someone I love will still be with me.
By 9:15am, the daily housework is coming to an end. The sheets are folded, the food is put away, the tables are set neatly for lunch, and yes, the bathrooms are so clean you could almost lick the floors. Almost.
 Meet Andrea Infantozzi. Part Italian, she grew up in El Salvador, lived in Cancun for a year and now lives in Rhode Island. She cooks a mean pasta, loves heart-to-heart conversations, and devours anything written by or about Mother Teresa. If you happen to meet her in the hallway she probably has a smile on her face and is running around doing a favor for someone else-- or she could be running to theology class.
There’s more. Andrea grew up in a normal Catholic family in El Salvador; they went to Mass on Sundays and said a few prayers together occasionally. As she grew up, school, friends, parties, and shopping filled her life, and she continued going to Mass with her family out of habit.
Everything changed when a friend invited 17-year-old Andrea to go on missions with her during Holy Week. Andrea gave up a week of fun at the beach with her friends to go to a poor village in the middle of nowhere to tell people about Christ. Her sacrifice changed her future.
“On those missions, Jesus became my friend,” she says. In a moment of prayer, she sensed Christ saying to her, “I’ve always been by your side. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t pay attention to me. I’m here, if you let me be part of your life again.” From that moment on, Andrea changed the priorities in her life and put Christ at the top.
Two years later, Andrea found herself at missions again, this time as a team leader for younger girls. A consecrated woman accompanied the group, and one day the girls asked her to tell the story of how God called her to the consecrated life. Andrea listened to the story with her team, but something started to happen inside her.
“What she was saying [about how she discovered God’s call], I was experiencing in my life. I got chills and a weird stomach ache.” She perceived a quiet voice in her heart “What about you? Why not you, consecrated?”
Suddenly Andrea began piecing together the past few years of her life: why had God been leading her closer and closer to him? Why had her life changed so dramatically after her first experience of Christ? Why could no boyfriend or awesome party satisfy her heart? Why was she only happy when she was giving herself to Christ? It couldn’t be clearer: Christ was calling her to give her entire life to him.
Even though God makes his call clear, it is still hard to respond, as Andrea experienced. Right away, she tried to give God excuses of why she couldn’t be consecrated. But God had a response ready for each of her excuses, and he began a full-blown attack of love. Andrea remembers it well:
“Everything talked to me of a vocation. A lady in the town stopped me and said, ‘Today the priest spent the whole retreat talking about you. He sees in you something different, and he never misses that.’ A little boy told me, ‘I want to be a priest.’ A nun at an orphanage we went to pulled me aside and said, ‘Are you joining them [the consecrated]?’”
Andrea decided to give a year as a volunteer in the Regnum Christi Movement, where she would have time to discern her vocation. Finally, during her year, which she spent in mission work, Andrea was able to give Christ the response he desired: “Let it be done to me according to your word.” Andrea was consecrated on August 15th, 2009.
Reflecting on her two years of consecrated life so far, Andrea said, “It's been a journey with Him. At the beginning it was all about me, about me giving up many things and renouncing a lot to follow Him. I've realized it’s not about me; it’s about HIM. I’ve discovered how privileged I am and that I don’t deserve this gift of being Christ’s spouse and his consecrated. I could not say no to the one who is Love Himself.”
Yes, Andrea misses her family and her country a lot, and consecrated life comes with its sacrifices and adjustments. But through it all, Andrea has found a deep joy in following Christ’s call. Her favorite quote from Mother Teresa explains it well: “A joyful heart is the result of a heart burning with love.”
Andrea gave her life to Christ after all the news about the scandal regarding the founder of the Regnum Christi Movement broke out. What made her join an organization with such a complicated problem?
“Since the beginning, I was following Christ. I have the certainty that he called me for this time. And thanks to the Movement, and to the fidelity and prayers of many consecrated before me, I am here. I am a product of that. I know it is here I am supposed to be.”
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